How Phone Sex Helped Me Find My Voice

Have you ever reached rock bottom so many times that you get desensitized to the blow, leaving your tolerance of suffering above most people’s levels of comfort? I’ve lived on $2/day in intentional poverty. Walked 400 miles in sweltering 100 degree heat and humidity on a tropical island, accepting the kindness of strangers to sleep on the floor of their humble adobes, or in abandoned buildings. Bounced my checking account one too many times, and lived two years in the Manila slums, but my ultimate rock bottom was when I decided to become a phone sex operator.

Let’s back up.

Living in the Philippines, my “intentional poverty” phase, was a lesson in complete  humility and acceptance of where I was at. Poverty is not a virtue, but it was a place I needed to experience to come to a deeper understanding of how the world works—or doesn’t work—in all its intricacies. How the distinctions of rich and poor in third world countries are so blatant that it was hard to swallow, and how desensitized I got to seeing homeless street kids everywhere I went.

I lived in poverty, over a set of choices, and un-choices, that lead me there. Now that it’s been two years since that time of my life, I have enough objectivity to connect the dots and see why this was a necessary point in my life and development. I learn only through experience. Living vicariously is not my strong suit. For me to get the learnings and lessons, I need to go through it first hand.

To create intentional abundance, and ultimately get to a place where I can help address social inequalities, I needed to go through intentional poverty. Even though I wasn’t in a place to help the world’s poor, I believe the two years that I lived in the slums was more helpful and educational for my growth than taking two years to volunteer with the Peace Corps, like I originally wanted to do.

The ‘Rock Hard’ Bottom

My rock bottom isn’t just ONE defining incident, but layers and layers of moments that topple over itself like little dominoes.

The residue from my time in the slums and traveling the world left me with an embarrassing amount of credit card debt. In a low point, now back living with my mom in my childhood home, I contemplated becoming a phone sex operator and applied with an online application.

Living in the slums, on my own, and providing financially to an ex-partner at a time when I could barely provide for me felt better than living with my mom, feeling completely stuck and dependent on her pension, and living with the shameful debt of maxed out credit cards.

I found an entry level company that accepted me right away without any phone interview. The process was so simple that I couldn’t believe how easy it was to become a phone sex operator. Voice talent.

I’ve never had phone sex in my life. Save for a semi-long distance relationship in my early 20s, 3 hours apart, where I was the awkward voyeur listening to my ex jack-off on the other end while I did nothing and felt no urge to reciprocate the explorations. Being a phone sex operator was my idea of being able to use my soft-spoken voice to my advantage, practice acting and improv, get inspired to write material for erotica fantasies, delve into my own sexual fantasies in a safe, abstinent way, and pay off debt.

The first call I got was an experienced man, in his 40s who talked about his wife at home while he was away for business. One of those, I thought. His wife surprised him by arranging a woman to his hotel room. I told him nervously that this was my first time.

“There’s a first time for everything,” he told me, predictably. He detailed a fantasy threesome of his wife massaging me and expertly whittled his way to the sex part of phone sex. He’d done this plenty of times, and I trusted him to take the lead. I listened attentively, every so often letting out a soft moan in appreciation. The call lasted 45 minutes.

Dispatchers have to average ten minute calls and at least 40 calls a week to earn top rates. My first call gave me hope. This was easy! How hard could it be? Threesomes were the standard fantasy.

Then I realized it was harder than I thought. Without someone who knew what they were doing (read: not me) to take the lead, I was rendered speechless, awkward, and incredibly shy. Guys hung up on me left and right in under three minutes. I didn’t even last 10 calls, and only one hour total, before I realized I wanted to quit.

Phone sex wasn’t my calling.

I could barely have phone sex with an ex, love interest, let alone strangers.

Was I really going to waste my time having phone sex when I could be putting my energy on what really mattered to me? And while we’re at it, what is that anyway?

All I knew was there were better things I could be doing with my time. Reaching such a ‘rock hard bottom’ (pun intended) point where I felt I needed to try phone sex felt demeaning. I needed to take back my power and continue to create content to grow my business.

It’s an opportunity cost. Why date people I ultimately wouldn’t be interested in, and why do work I ultimately don’t care about? Isn’t it better to free your time to be around who really lights your fire and what really inspires you to create? If I was so adamant about not wasting my time dating, I needed to follow through with my logic by not wasting my time over work that did not serve me and took me away from what really matters.

What Matters

 

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world. –Robin Williams

What matters is sharing my experiences and knowledge. What matters is producing content, creating my own ebooks, even erotica novellas and fantasies, to get myself into the self-publishing circuit.

What matters is figuring out ways to leverage what I do to create social change. Whether that’s simply tithing and donating to Kiva, volunteering my skills pro-bono, or creating a social enterprise brand, I have so many ideas that I need to play with and give life to. One step at a time.

Instead of falling victim to a financial rut, why not create my abundance by sharing my words and ideas and crafting good content? It starts here.

Blogging for Business

unmarketingbloggingchallenge

I love writing but I have been out of blogging regularly for a long time. Consistent blogging and “content marketing” has been an ongoing problem for me. The secret to blogging for business? Don’t treat it like you’re blogging for business. This is the only way I’ve been able to write freely and share ideas. Once I write, then I am able to twist the content into a moral or marketing/business lesson. But first, I have to treat it like unmarketing.

So what’s the lesson? You have a responsibility to share your knowledge, expertise and talent in this world. It would be selfish of you not to because knowledge is meant to be shared. That is how it works. That’s what makes it worthwhile.

Join me for an unmarketing blogging challenge. Do you love/hate blogging as much as I do? Join me and the Purple Panda Posse on Facebook for a blogging challenge starting August 28. Every week, I will post a new prompt, or blog your own and we can share our posts. No need to join my mailing list. Just join the Facebook group and you’ll be all set. Your voice matters and wants to be heard!

Why A Blog Challenge?

Honestly, I need accountability to blog once a week and if I can gather a group of people who want to do the same thing, I’ll be more likely to do it. And I trust that you will too! If you want to challenge yourself to blog once a week and share your posts, join me for the unmarketing blog challenge!

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